Tuesday, 16 February 2016

Dating in the time of Sec 377


Social media may have made it easy for the LGBT community to meet potential love interests, but sustaining relationships takes work and huge support from friends.
"Every day is Valentine's Day for my boyfriend and me," says Siddarth Shekhar* without a shade of pretence. Shekhar, a city-based lawyer, is responding to the rather obvious question of how he plans to celebrate V-Day with his boyfriend of five years, Vikas Shrestha*. "We don't have any plans as such. That said, I like the idea of protecting and fighting for love that this day stands for," says Shekhar casually but the weight his statement holds cannot be ignored, especially at a time when you have the entire LGBT community waiting for the country's judiciary to repeal an act that prohibits them from loving openly. "When the Delhi High Court initially decriminalized Section 377, many people came out of the closet. Many of them got the zeal to proclaim their orientation. However, once the Supreme Court upheld the law, a lot of people went back into the closet. The community's legitimate expectations were denied but as it stands today , it is good that the curative petition is pending," says Shekhar. "It's important that people from the community come out to the streets and throw their hearts out. That will probably help increase awareness about the issue and get the judiciary to be more expressive," he says.
Talking of love stories, Shekhar's makes for perfect Valentine's Day material. "Vikas and I met in 2010 when we had very few dating websites or apps for gay men. While we had initially met online on Planet Romeo (a popular gay dating website), Vikas got in touch with me only after I was referred to him by a common friend." It took the two an entire month of dating to realize that they had something worth pursuing. "Love blossomed in November 2010," says Shekhar before revealing that the relationship did go through its ups and downs.
"The first test was when I moved to the UK in 2011 to pursue my Masters. We weren't sure if the relationship would last but what surprised me was that Vikas made it a point to travel all the way there to meet me." The second time the couple faced a strain was when they decided to move in together and informed their parents about it. "When I told my parents that I was planning to live in with Vikas, the situation turned uncomfortable. My parents refused to let me go, and my mother even went into depression."
After hitting the lows, the relationship today is on an even keel. Shekhar and Shrestha live together in their own apartment with their two cats. "We are a small family and its fun," he says.

Quick to date, quick to split

Content writer Alex Mathew who is gaining quite the reputation for his musical performances as drag queen Mayamma doesn't have plans for Valentine's Day. "But every day is Valentine's Day for me," says Mathew who finds that unlike even five years ago, meeting potential partners today is not a big deal. "Dating and hook up apps like OK Cupid, Grindr, Tinder and Scruff have made it easy for us to meet more people from the community. Today, thanks to these apps you can connect with someone who's barely 5km away from you," he says. Besides social media, offline events like the Pride March, the Bangalore Queer Film Festival, and regular get-togethers that are organized by LGBT NGOs like Swabhava are ideal meeting places.
Just as it is for straight couples, the dating game is the same once they meet a potential match. "It always begins with casual coffee, movie and dinner dates but unlike straight couples who take their time to make it official, gay couples get in and out of relationships quite quickly."
"The reason we commit fast is because the gay community is a small one, so when you make a connection with someone, you don't want to lose them," explains Sriram K, software developer with a city-based MNC. "Straight people, on the other hand, deliberate more before getting into a relationship because they think that they have more options, more fish in the sea," he says.
Ageism, according to Sriram, is another trend prevalent in the community. "If you are 30, then you are considered old and your chances of finding a partner are slim.The reasons are, one, the community is fixated on how fit and good you look. There is a pressure to look good and dress well. Two, there's also a perception within the community that gay men above 30 may not have come out of the closet and so, people are hesitant to date you."

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